Doctors Minimizing and Ignoring Pain in Women Is Killing Us
I began experiencing debilitating pain at age 15. I'd mastered what, in dance, we call a C Jump, and was getting ready for competition season with the rest of the team. I'd always been painful growing up, but this? This was completely different. I felt - and heard - a loud snap in my spine, and doubled over in pain immediately. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before, and I expected it to heal eventually, the pain diminishing with time, but that didn't end up being the case for me. The pain built and compounded upon itself as time went on, and I've experienced car accidents and other injuries in the meantime, adding to it.
Now, after years of working with animals, I spend the entirety of my days at home with my husband, dogs, and teenage daughter, writing articles, playing video games, and wondering if the pain I experience daily will ever stay lower than a 9/10 on the pain scale after a car accident left me fully, likely permanently, disabled and without a daily job gaining an income to contribute to my family. And now, even as I hit my mid-30s, I am still being treated as though I am too young to be experiencing any of it, resigned to 3 Norco a day supposed to control daily pain that's worse than childbirth - I've experienced both, so I feel confident as hell saying that. I thought, with the addition of double-digit herniations as well as bursitis, tendinitis, and Osteoarthritis from hip dysplasia that hadn't been found prior, that I would finally be listened to and taken seriously.
Instead, I've spent time researching where I can go to receive better care, who might be the right specialist for me, and much more, on my own. I've wasted my time arguing with starry-eyed doctors and NPs who tell me I "shouldn't hurt this much," oblivious to the fact that some people do experience intense pain constantly, even with medication. I've hassled with many a pharmacist who doesn't want to fill the medications I am prescribed every single month, like clockwork. It's become an issue that plays out each month, despite having taken Norco for years and always getting it filled at the same location every time.
Unfortunately, it seems the healthcare system doesn't want us to be pain-free. They would rather we suffer needlessly, pushed past the point of no return, than help us live a somewhat normal life. Acting as though those of us who are dependent upon our pain medication are the same as those who are addicted and will often do anything, including hurting others, to get it, is offensive. That should never be the immediate response to a woman in chronic pain, and it's honestly disturbing that it's the first thought for anyone at all, especially chronic pain & ER doctors. If my husband can walk in with 1 herniated disc and walk out with a script for a full bottle of Norco, Toradol, and Baclofen, but I get ignored while my husband basically carries me in, and has to help me talk through the pain...there's a fucking problem.
The way a doctor treats us has the power to make or break us. It can push us past the brink when we are hovering just before the edge. This morning, I had the heartbreaking displeasure of reading, on Threads, the story of a mother who couldn't take it anymore. She was being given Tramadol that no longer worked, and she couldn't keep living in the misery she'd been forced to for so long. It struck a nerve in me, and set me on a mission, because, to be frank...
I can relate.
Here is the honest fucking truth. That has almost been me more than once. Several times, I've wanted to leave this earth to rid my family of my burdens. I have felt on more than one occasion that nothing would ever improve, and that I would be nothing but a gigantic drain on the family funds, instead. What's the point of sending my family into debt when every day of my life is filled with misery because I can't take a single breath without sharp, excrutiating pain? Isn't that worse than making them endure my misery every day, too?
Maureen Salamon, Executive Editor of Harvard Women's Health Watch, wrote less than one short year ago about the gender bias that still leaves women hanging in the medical system today. Knowing doctors are taught to problem solve, Maureen states the quiet part out loud - "But if they can't find anything wrong, they tend to think it's either a psychological or emotional problem and may dismiss it. It's not warranted, but it still happens." We, as young women, are told that pain is "normal" starting when we get our periods as adolescents. Alas, it's not normal, and still, medical professionals refuse to grasp the concept that women experience pain differently from men, and menstruation isn't actually meant to be horrifyingly painful.
As Maureen states, "[Women are] always trying to balance their lived experience with not wanting to be a burden, because their perception is that if they are, their care will be worse." I've experienced this and know it to be true. I was going to a pain specialist for several years, and never had any issues with pain medications. I showed up like clockwork for my urine tests and checkups, but I voiced my opinion once, and he got irate. My crime, in this scenario? I asked if I could swap back from Robaxin to Flexeril because I felt like my body had stopped responding to Robaxin after being on it for a long while. I often have to switch up meds for effectiveness. This is completely normal, and I have no clue what his problem was. He was even the one who had swapped them before!
Maureen Salamon
Instead of answering like a rational human being, he lashed out at me like I was trying to raid his office for crack, and told me it was best I get a new doctor. HAPPILY after that outburst, my dude. Joyously. I called the doctor an asshole for his hissy fit and left, knowing that it may come back to haunt me with my next doctor. Luckily, it didn't, but I still don't receive enough adequate pain relief to get out of my bed for longer than an hour or two. The doctor I go to is great at injections and other procedures, but doesn't like to prescribe anything stronger than Norco, which is like regular Tylenol to me, at this point. It does nothing for my pain and is harsh on the liver, so I'd rather be taking a pain medication without the acetaminophen included.
Incidents and doctors like this are, unfortunately, not rare. Every day, women deal with the repercussions of science never taking the time to fully comprehend the beauty, the strength, and the hidden dangers of our bodies. And women are still dying because of it. A McKinsey Health Institute article from 2024 claims, "The women’s health gap equates to 75 million years of life lost due to poor health or early death per year, the equivalent of seven days per woman per year." The lack of proper medical care is killing women, whether it be by having illness steal time from our lives, or by suicide, and I was sickened to see those numbers staring at me in harsh black and white.
We are losing so many beautiful souls because the medical system has a problem with listening to women. It has a problem taking any of us seriously, regardless of any extensively documented ailments that have been proven time and time again. Why can't doctors just listen and try to come up with answers with us instead of forcing us to do all the footwork ourselves, only to be belittled until we finally prove them wrong? They never end up apologizing, though, to no one's surprise.
We must stand up for and support one another through our struggles. No one can pull us out of a funk better than someone also suffering from it. We just get each other. We are incredibly strong - stronger than we may give ourselves credit for - and we deserve high-quality lives, even when we are chronically ill. Women are in danger in multiple ways in this political climate, and the healthcare system is more than willing to continue carrying the torch for the patriarchy like it always has. Until science properly studies female bodies, we will continue to be neglected and left to suffer alone, because "we never really studied the female body," and boy, does it fucking show.
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