I Broke Up With My Family

Disclaimer: I started out wanting to write a piece about going no contact, how to navigate that, yadda yadda yadda, but a different story emerged instead, and as much as it scares me to share it, I think I need to. I need to get it off my chest and stop protecting everyone around me while never stopping for a second to protect myself. Now that I have finally spoken my mind, including to my parents, I need to let it go...let it drift away into the abyss as it leaves my troubled mind. This piece ended up being more of a directed letter toward the end, and it includes a lot of discussion about abuse, so please protect yourself if you need to. It doesn't hurt my feelings.

My parents are upset because they say my writing makes them look bad…I’m just telling my own experiences growing up in their household. It’s not really about them at all; it’s about me. I need to find people who actually want me around, not parents who bitch about me behind my back, and a sister who doesn’t invite my friends over to tell them I lied about the abusive household, knowing damn well she got some of it, too. I have a better familial relationship with friends I’ve known since middle school - the ones who truly know me and my character.

See, it turns out that the way I speak is apparently what defines me. The fact that I use cuss words a lot defines me as a terrible person. It defines me as mean, hateful, and just plain awful - go ask my mom, she’ll tell you all about it. But then she’s gonna give you a sob story about how her MIL did this kind of shit to her.

Well, Ma, you went no contact with Grandma because of it, so why the hell are you confused that I have now done the same? Because rules for thee not for me? Like, hello? Hypocrisy is calling. My nervous system cannot be around people who admit they’ve only had me around because they’re obligated to anymore.

I have always felt how much my family disliked me, but I didn’t realize my mom was a fucking liar, too. That’s the part that really gets me. She was painting herself as a goodie goodie who does the right thing, right before trying to lure me back in with news about her dogs because she knows that’s what gets me every time - Right mom? It’s my love for those dogs - and then trying to cause rifts in my incredibly happy marriage because you’re jealous that you married an asshole and I didn’t. Genuinely insane.

Not sure why you thought that was going to get me to crawl back to you, and especially since my fucking 16-year-old heard just about everything. So great job fucking her up, thinking we were about to divorce, too. Thanks. She now thinks you’re a manipulative woman who cannot be trusted. That’s not my fault, it’s yours.

All in all,

I refuse to be made the villain of anyone’s story at this point. I am done trying to please everyone, and it not be enough. It’s NEVER going to be enough for certain people, and that’s okay. It’s time for me to completely unmask and stop caring what anyone thinks because I am a grown-ass adult and I don’t need my parents’ permission to do what I want in life - and it’s ableist as fuck for them to assume I do. I’m done being treated like a literal toddler when I have a nearly grown-ass daughter. I’m. Done.

Now, y'all, I can absolutely be a villain if you’d like me to. I’m actually quite great at it when I try on people who have fucked with me. It’s done, it’s over, I need you to leave me alone right now, and stop trying to get my daughter to go against me or her father. You have done nothing but push her away, while performing to her like you give a single shit about me. You also made an enemy out of the son-in-law who did so much for you to be kind all the fucking time, any time you asked. He has made it very clear he will never step into the same room as you again. Again, not my fault, but yours.

It’s funny, mom, you pointed out the gaslighting I was experiencing at my old kennel job with a horrific boss, and how bad it was, but yet you turn around less than 2 years later and pull the same type of stunt. Anyone trying to push me away from my husband to get me crawling back, especially to some hoity toity Christian bullshit life, it’s not fucking happening. You will have to pry that beautiful soul out of my cold, dead hands because he is the only relationship I have ever had that was good for me - good for both of us.

And honestly, mom, you accusing my husband makes me think you were the one who tried to kill me. It sure as hell wasn’t the man helping me stand on my own two feet, washing and dyeing my hair when I need help, and being the most incredible father and husband I’ve ever met. I’m sorry that dad has shown you a life of abuse, but that’s not my fault, either.

I tried to save you multiple times. You didn’t want to listen, and you stuck up for that man every damn time. Well, okay then, mom. Have your husband, and lose your daughter. I hope he’s worth it when he’s belittling the hell out of you day in and out because you’re disabled and he’s too fucking lazy to put his own clothes in the wash or make a sandwich. Or, you know, complain when you had a severe emergency, during which you nearly died, and he just had to clean up the mess. How fucking disgusting that he didn’t care about you more than the mess he decided was just too much of a chore and too gross and too hard. Weaponized incompetence, ma. Look that shit up.

He’s a fucking petulant toddler who would quite literally sell - or abandon like he did Jovi - your fucking dogs if you passed, and I am done pretending like he’s not a giant mound of shit for the things he says and does to the people and animals around him. He may have outsiders fooled, but we all fucking know better. Stop fucking screaming at your dogs, asshole, and take them outside and on walks consistently for fuck’s sake. Your heeler is fucking calcified. CALCIFIED throughout her spine….And would you guess whose fault that is…

Yours. Not mine.