I Am A Former Teen Mom Who Turns 35 This Week. Here's What I've Learned.

I got pregnant during my Senior year of high school, and gave birth just a few months after graduating and turning 18. My husband and I have been lucky enough to want to remain together, and we have worked to be the best parents possible while growing up with her ourselves.

Over the past 17 years, I have learned so much about love and life, as well as how to be a better parent - always a work in progress. Now that my daughter has nearly grown to the same age I was at her birth, there is so much I can share with prospective teen - and even adult - parents.

My husband and I met in fifth grade, but didn't start dating until the summer before our Senior year. We went to separate high schools in the same town. Our love story was fast and fleeting, then suddenly we were expecting a baby neither of us was prepared for. I grew up in a staunchly Christian household, and he grew up in a mostly unreligious home. We both chose to keep her, with no second thoughts. We quickly got engaged, then waited until our daughter was nearly a year old to get married.

On a hot, Texas morning in September 2009, our beautiful baby girl made her entrance into the world, and we were over the moon, but so incredibly scared. Neither of us had much experience with babies, and I was - and still am - not a big fan of children. However, I absolutely adore my own. I just don't enjoy hearing the screaming and constant chattering of toddlers and small children or feeling their sticky hands, unless they are mine. Sue me. 🤪

Over the years, I learned how to approach situations, handle spit-ups, and tantrums, while also learning from my daughter in the process. I will always maintain that she has made me a better person, just for having her in my life. She makes me want to do and be better every day, and I hate disappointing her in any capacity. So, here are a few of the things I've learned while parenting that I can now share with you.

One of the key things I tell people about being a parent is just how much she has actually taught me. Sometimes, I think everything I've learned from her is more than what I've taught - But I see that as a good thing. She is wise beyond her years and more mature and disciplined than I ever could have dreamt of being, making me unbelievably proud to be her mother every single day. I chalk a lot of that up to my and my husband's choice to listen rather than "boss around."

Instead of constantly telling her to do things, then answering with, "Because I said so" a million times a day, we have given her autonomy. Choice. When she disagrees with why we are upset about something, she will articulate why in a kind and non-confrontational way. Sometimes we agree and change gears, sometimes we don't, and the discipline stands. It has become a wonderful way for us to learn about each other's thoughts and feelings, and cement a deeper bond as a family because our daughter feels both seen and heard.

Bossing your kiddos around constantly without giving reasoning doesn't always give the intended result. Sometimes, that does nothing but make them push back harder. Instead, try listening to them. Hear them out. Let them be the decision makers occasionally, in small ways, as children, giving them a semblance of control over their lives. It teaches independence and confidence in their choices.

We don't treat her as an object. She is her own person and deserves to be treated as such.

Embrace your adorable little "weirdo" in whatever ways they show up. You know exactly where I'm headed with this, so don't punk out now.

You shouldn't be having children in the first place if you cannot handle the possibility of your child/ren being *insert 'controversial' identity here.* If you are not okay with your child being Queer, you are not ready to parent. You simply aren't, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it.

Children grow up to be adults. They will make their own decisions in life, whether you like them or not, and you're going to have to be okay with that. If you can't muster up that much love and compassion, you have no business having children. If you are going to "other" a child you are not fully in agreeance with, you are setting yourself up for a retirement full of no contact.

Let your children be who they are and, again, embrace them in whatever way they show up.

Don't sweat all the small stuff. Sure, it's cliche, but that's because it's right. Getting upset over every little thing as a parent is a surefire way to make a child unsure of themselves. They will think they are never enough, that they can never do or be enough for their parents, because there will always be a "but."

If you are that upset by something your child has done, there better be a damn good reason for it. It better not be something as trivial as forgetting to clean up their room one day when you asked. I've been there. Is it frustrating? Sure, I want my daughter to be able to execute a task when I've asked. However, am I going to bitch and moan and lament to her that she never does anything I ask and punish her for it? Absolutely not. There's just no use crying over a dash of spilled milk.

Clean up the mess and move on peacefully.

If your child is a big fan of a show, a movie, a band - you name it - you'd better fucking support them through it. There is no hobby my child can bring me that I will not participate in if she asks. I want to learn all about what she loves and enjoys, and spend time nourishing that. Maybe one of those hobbies will eventually turn into a career with that encouragement. You can truly make or break their confidence based on how and when you show up in their lives and interests.

If your 15 year old kid still likes Spongebob, let them watch Spongebob, and watch an episode or two with them.

If your 16 year old is really into K-Pop, learn some K-Pop. Maybe you'll find something you enjoy as well!

Take them to concerts, movies, fun events. Know their interests and support them, and make your relationship with them your top priority. It's all about creating an unbreakable bond through unconditional love and mutual understanding. Your kids are not your playthings, your dolls, your property. They are an entire human being with their own thoughts, hopes, and dreams...and that's OKAY. They do not need to be a "mini me" or carbon copy of their parents. They just need to be themselves. Let them.

I don't know all there is to know about being a parent, but I do know these efforts can help you create a supportive and loving environment. Be kind. Be safe. And don't forget to leave me a like and comment below if you enjoyed the article! 💜

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