The day it happened.

It was February 7, 2025, and I was less than half a mile from my work. My ETA was about 5 minutes before my shift - half my norm - and I was so excited to assist in 6 different surgeries for the first time with the DVM who owns the clinic.

Drizzle plummeted from the sky, blanketing the paved highway with glistening spots of white, silvery puddles; remnants of the cloud’s tear shed above, a foreshadowing, perhaps, of the coming threat. The slight patter of droplets could barely be heard above the music, just loud enough to make its presence known, yet quiet enough to be tuned out with ease. I readied myself to take my exit, past the ever-grinning face of Buc-Eee’s mascot, taunting me with what looked like a judgment of me running late.

In the last stretch of the highway, one that happened to be the only one blockaded on both sides, two cars ahead of me, a woman was struggling to find her place on the road as an 18-wheeler overtook her lane. With nowhere to go, she inevitably ran into the barrier, instantly stopping the vehicle in its tracks. The 18-wheeler drove on as if nothing happened, and I doubt he was ever charged with anything at all. Meanwhile, my life was irrevocably changed. I stopped, but an off-duty cop slammed into my back end, & had to back up to get out of my Nissan's ass. My career was over, but I didn't know it yet. I fought months to stay, but my body just couldn't keep up anymore.

I have had spinal and joint problems since I was a child, and I’ve been diagnosed with more chronic illnesses than I have the spoons to count. I had gotten healthy with my body stable enough to be doing full time work in a kennel for years, then in the clinic at which I am technically still employed, but rarely able to actually go in for work unless it’s an hour and a half, tops, with minimal cleaning and moving around.

I absolutely adore writing and creating stories and articles for those who care to read them, but I deeply miss the animals, and playing a huge part in making sure they were always okay. It was an absolute dream, as difficult as it was for me to fit in with most people there - Autism and selective mutism apparently make your teammates distrust you. I focused on the animals, and the rest didn’t matter. I was happy learning in my own little zone when someone was actually willing to teach me.

Back and Forth With Insurance Companies

Our attorney has been less than helpful at many times during this process, but we are stuck, and the pain worsens, seemingly by the hour, though I know surely that can’t be if I’m still breathing - right? Say right.

Thank you.

So, we’ve hit a blockade, because we have no clue what company the semi was from to even sue. The police likely never even looked into it, and all of us involved just had to suffer for it, with me getting the shortest end of the stick. The past year has been one of the hardest I’ve ever had to grow through, and I’m not sure where I would be without the endless and unconditional love of my husband and my amazing daughter. They’ve been there for me through everything while my family has ignored me and left me to rot because I’m the one who calls their bullshit out.

We’ve been told that the most we can possibly get from this settlement is $100,000. That doesn’t account for the medical bills that must be paid, or the car payments I have continued to stay behind on. I will likely receive essentially nothing because Texas laws are not beneficial to victims unless the culprit is from a company. So, what’s a chronically ill, now fully disabled woman supposed to do?

Well, who fucking cares, apparently? That’s for us to figure out.

So here I am, figuring it out.

I always wanted to be a writer, but I never thought I had enough talent to make any money from it. I thought I was maybe good enough to win a few little contests here and there, but not for people to actually want to pay for my work - until I had to. I had to believe that people would read my work because my livelihood depended on it. I needed to “get delusional” as so many others say - get crazy, go wild, be insanely delusional enough to keep going, and make the impact you want.

So that’s what I’m doing now.

Letting Go Of Another Dream

As much as I loved veterinary medicine, I didn’t realize the toll it was taking on my soul every single day to see dogs and cats who were not taken care of to the best of their parents’ abilities - neglect hits hard, especially when you are the kind of person to treat them like little humans. Then you have the whole affordability issue, the declines that parents make, even when their pet desperately needs something, the moral dilemmas of not doing everything you possibly can simply because the parent can’t afford it… It stays with you and leaves a permanent paw print on your heart.

I will never forget my first euthanasia. She was a gorgeous Australian Shepherd named Blingy - and that, she was. She had a fully bedazzled collar, and you could tell she was just so incredibly loved. I’m tearing up just writing about her. Her mom was telling her she was such a good girl, and she was going to go see her grandma and grandpa, and that it was okay for her to go now. It was one of the most heart-wrenching things I had experienced. You watch the light drain from their eyes, see the chest suddenly stop filling with air, & the tapping of the heartbeat no longer jumps beneath their skin. Just like that, they’re gone forever.

When Blingy’s parents left, a part of me went with them. I was trying my very best to be professional, hold back those tears, and get the job done while staying strong for the client. However, that was nearly impossible in that room. The mom gave me a kind look and nod of thanks before waving to me and walking out the door. I think of them all the time. Every euthanasia since has just compounded the hurt.

Placing them in bags, putting tags on them, tossing them in a freezer…it’s all part of the daily goings on in a clinic. You bag ‘em, tag ‘em, then unfortunately, you have to walk into the next room with a smile on your face and a calm, happy demeanor to keep the patient calm. There’s no time to dwell on loss, even when it’s a pet you’ve been caring for consistently. It fucking hurts, and I didn’t realize just how much I was able to compartmentalize until I was no longer working there consistently.

Lately, I have been separated from the surgical elements of animal care, back in the kennel area, where it’s calm and peaceful, and typically, no one’s life is at risk. I’ve noticed how much more at peace I am just spending time with the dogs, and that’s all that I really need, in the end - the love of dogs. I may not be able to ever do surgical tech work again, but I’m glad that I got the experience and opportunity, and maybe I’ll dabble back in if some crazy medical miracle happens. Ha.

Looking Forward, Not Back

Now that I have started to fully let go of the veterinary job, I’ve been able to fully lean into my writing. Being able to teach others about properly caring for their pets brings me so much joy, and I’m hoping it also helps those who need it. Instead of being on the front lines, I can be in pet parents’ heads instead, making sure they know how to properly clean their dog’s ears, or clip their cat’s nails, maybe even a sanitary shave - it doesn’t really matter how I help people. It’s more about the why.

I believe every pet deserves to be loved unconditionally and spoiled to death - not literally, of course. They are furry little toddlers in my mind, and that means I hold them in just as much reverence as I do small children. I treat them as if they were little humans, because that’s how I would want someone to care for my babies. People may have a problem with pet parents calling themselves such, but I’ve never understood that. My ability to spoil my dog doesn’t take away or minimize your capacity to care for your child.

So, all of this to say, welcome if you’re here. Grab a chair, stay a while, and let me tell you honestly how to care for your pets to the very best of your ability while also making sure you don’t break the bank. Sometimes we don’t always end up where we wanted to, but we end up where we need to be. I hope that is the case for me now.

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